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Understanding Pet Loss: Navigating Grief Together

Updated: Nov 3

Melissa Portell graduated with a master's degree in clinical mental health counseling and works with people struggling with grief, pet loss, and anxiety. After experiencing her own loss in 2017, she has developed a strong passion for helping those who have lost their pet.


Losing a pet is heartbreaking. Many people don’t understand the depth of this loss and, as a result, it can feel isolating and overwhelming.

As a mental health counselor, my focus on pet loss stems from my own journey through the loss of my beloved pet, Angely, my sweet partner for 14 years. During that challenging time, I felt deeply misunderstood and alone. Many well-meaning people would say, “Oh, she was old; she had a good life,” without grasping the profound bond we shared.

The relationship we develop with our pets is incredibly complex and deep. This “Human-Pet Bond” is a unique psychological connection that can be as intense as losing a human loved one. Our pets are not “just animals”; they are cherished members of our families. Their absence creates a significant void in our lives, and grieving that loss is entirely valid.

The grief over a pet can be just as deep and multifaceted as the grief over losing a human. We yearn for love and connection, and our pets offer that unconditionally. However, the grief we feel can be complicated by societal misunderstandings. Many people may not recognize or validate the depth of that pain, leading to feelings of isolation. It’s crucial to understand that all forms of grief are valid, and allowing ourselves to feel and express that pain is essential for healing.

Coping Strategies for Pet Loss

Here are some effective strategies to help you navigate your grief after losing a pet:

  • Connect with Supportive Friends or Family: Surround yourself with those who uplift you. Emotional support is crucial during this time.

  • Honor Your Pet: Choose a meaningful way to commemorate your pet. This could be through a memorial, a scrapbook, or planting a tree in their honor.

  • Stay Active: Engage in physical activities to manage stress and improve your mood. Exercise can be a powerful tool for emotional healing.

  • Create Meaning and Purpose: Participate in acts of service or memorial activities that connect with your pet’s memory. Volunteering at a local shelter can be a rewarding way to honor their legacy.

  • Prioritize Quality Sleep: Make sure you get enough rest to support your emotional and mental well-being. Sleep is vital for coping with grief.

  • Practice Self-Care: Utilize stress-reducing techniques such as mindfulness or journaling. Taking care of yourself is essential during this challenging time.


Preparing for the Departure of a Pet

Preparing for the departure of a pet is a difficult but important process. Here are some strategies that can help:

  • Reflect on Your Relationship: Take time to think about the special moments you shared with your pet. This can help you celebrate their life.

  • Plan Ahead: Consider discussing end-of-life care options with your veterinarian. Knowing about palliative care or euthanasia can provide a sense of control.

  • Create a Comfortable Environment: If possible, ensure your pet is in a familiar and comfortable place during their final days. This can help both you and your pet feel more at ease.

  • Talk About Your Feelings: Don’t hesitate to express your emotions and share your concerns with friends, family, or a support group. Talking about how you feel can be very liberating.

  • Honor Their Memory: Think about rituals or ceremonies you can perform to honor your pet’s life. This can be a way to say goodbye and celebrate their impact on your life.

  • Prepare Emotionally: Acknowledge that it’s normal to feel a range of emotions, from sadness to gratitude. Accepting your feelings can help you process what you’re going through.

  • Seek Professional Support: If you feel overwhelmed by the pain, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist specializing in grief. They can provide you with tools and resources to cope.


How Can I Help a Friend or Family Member Going Through This?

If you have a friend or family member dealing with the loss of a pet, it’s essential to offer your support sensitively. Reflect on why you might feel the urge for that person to “move on” or “stop crying.” Often, people try to minimize others' pain because they feel uncomfortable with those emotions.

The key is to be clear and honest to avoid causing further hurt. It’s not about saying the “right” thing or doing something to “fix it”. Sometimes, what they need most is simply for you to be there, listening without judgment. Ask, “What do you need from me?” This simple question can open the door to a meaningful conversation and allow your loved one to express their feelings.

Ultimately, grieving for the loss of a pet is a journey that deserves recognition and respect. If you’re navigating this difficult time, remember you’re not alone. Feel free to share your experiences or reach out for support.

What has your experience been with pet loss? Share your thoughts or story with me. I would love to hear it!



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